3 Principles to Transform Listening: Leading by Deep Listening

We know a leader who worked abroad in his second language for a year. When he returned to the UK, he hired one of his managers to join him.

 

This manager made a surprising observation: the team was MORE motivated when the leader was working in his second language.

 

What happened here?

The hired manager said it was because he was a better listener.

Working in a second language forced him to slow down, to really listen to what was being said, and go the extra mile to understand the meaning behind his team’s words before responding.

 

We touched on this deeper listening in our executive coaching prompt ‘Listening is an Art’. It reveals the meaning underneath your teams’ words, what psychoanalyst Dr Don Carveth calls ‘listening with the third ear’.

It’s common for some newer direct reports to find it hard to articulate what is really going on for them. This may be due to a fear of seeming incompetent or being a burden.

The art of listening is to speak to the latent meaning and dig deeper with clarifying questions without assuming you know what they mean.

 

To draw out the best from your team, here are 3 principles for better deep listening:

 

1. Don’t Perform

Don’t make it LOOK like you’re listening and then press on afterwards. Going through the motions while mentally racing ahead means you’ll miss the insights that emerge when you slow down and truly engage.

 

2. Embrace Silence

As with good negotiation, avoid the temptation to fill the silence after a question. Yes, silence can feel viscerally uncomfortable. If you feel that discomfort, get curious about it. Silence gives people, especially introverts, space to gather their thoughts.

 

3. Know Thyself

Leading on from 2, be aware of your emotional reactions to others’ body language, tone of voice, and points of view. We all have an emotional valence that makes us react unconsciously to what people say. When we know ourselves and our default reactions, we can consciously acknowledge and set them aside so we can listen from a more objective place.

 

Listening is an art. Like any art, your skill level can improve with practice.

Listening is the core of empathy, the root of understanding, and the primary ingredient to project success.

It leaves us better informed and with stronger relationships.

 

When did you last truly listen?

 

This article was originally posted here